Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
