If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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