i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
