College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
