He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
