I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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