The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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