I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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