I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
