made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
