M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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