so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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