We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
