You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
