As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
