If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
