Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My breasts were aching with rage.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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