Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
