so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
