HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
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