My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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