I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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