I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
