Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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