is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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