You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
