How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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