I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
