i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
