dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
