Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
