I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
