sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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