Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Found your dick twin last night
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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