Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
