Swine flu. Run for my life!
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
