how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
