Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
