if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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