please come you make the beer taste better
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
