she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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