You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
