Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
