She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
