I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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