I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
