Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
