Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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