After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
