dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
