i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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