just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
