Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
3 2 1 whiskey
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
