3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
