i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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