the condom got lost in my hair
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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