We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's blow job season.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
