It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
