also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's official drugs can't kill me
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
