Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
