I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
