That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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