I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
