peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
