last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I think I just sharted jello shots
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