he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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