Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
