soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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