You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
