Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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