for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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