i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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