70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
