best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
