those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
