Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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