i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
