How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
