my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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