My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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