A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
